I just can't stop laughing when I read this piece from RPK on the "butt romper" - a former minister who will be appointed Malaysia’s ambassador to the United States. I believe sales of chastity belt will be brisk as hostess working in pubs and clubs around Washington and surrounding areas starts hunting for them before the arrival of this monkey from Pahang.
Below is the joke which RPK claims "never took place, and as Umno would say, is just a figment of the writer’s imagination".
Boss, Malaysia is sending us a new Ambassador.
Great. The last Ambassador, whatever his name is, was a great embarrassment. Imagine trying to bribe one of our citizens to make false allegations that he procured boys and girls for their Deputy Prime Minister, Anwar Ibrahim. Disgraceful!
Well, this one also tried bribing someone on behalf of his Deputy Prime Minister, who is now of course the Prime Minister.
You mean also to allege that he procured boys and girls for the Deputy Prime Minister?
No, this case is the other way around. They tried to bribe the guy to stop the allegations.
Sheesh, what’s wrong with that country? So, instead of sending him to jail, they send him here. They think this is Australia or what? We are not a convict colony you know.
The Malaysian press says he is being promoted because he is close to Najib. Actually, he is being exiled because Rosmah hates his guts.
I thought this guy is a ladies’ man. How come he can’t handle Rosmah?
It was actually because of a mistake he made. He told a joke about Rosmah and someone told her about it.
What was the joke?
Well, it goes like this: Recently, they held a competition to create a new slogan for Najib’s regime. The third prize was a trip to the US. The second prize was a cake. When the second-prize winner was called up to receive his prize he screamed, “The third prize winner gets a trip to the US and all I get is a bloody cake?” The soon-to-be Malaysian Ambassador replied, “But this is not just any cake. This cake was baked by Rosmah herself.” The second-prize winner then shouted, “Screw Rosmah,” and our wise guy replied, “Ah, but that is the first prize.”
Hahahahaha, that’s rich. Good joke.
Rosmah didn’t think so. So she is giving our man the third prize by sending him to the US.
Hahahahaha……..third prize….…trip to the US as the new Ambassador…….hahahahaha. How do you come up with these things? Okay, what is this new Ambassador famous for? We have got to prepare the media before he comes here.
You mean other than the bottom-pinching episode?
The media doesn’t care about that. I mean; the oval room of the White House has practically been turned into the oral room. You think they care about bottom pinching?
Okay, he sent a monkey into outer space.
What’s so great about that? We stopped sending monkeys into space a long time ago. We are now sending people.
No, I don’t mean a monkey, monkey. I mean this guy they sent into space was called a spaceman but was actually only hitching a ride. And they paid a hell of a lot of money for that ride. I was told the Russians were joking, behind his back of course, that he was a space monkey.
Still nothing great! We also take on passengers who are prepared to pay big bucks for the ride.
But he was the first Muslim, I think. That’s why they had to spend another few million just to organise a religious seminar to discuss how he prays in space.
You mean the flight was that bad he had to pray? I only pray when we fly into a storm.
No, it’s not that. You see, Muslims pray five times a day. They follow the times according to the sun. So they had to figure out how he does that.
And you need a multi-million dollar seminar for that?
Well, how do you do that in space when you are flying around the world maybe 100 or 200 times in 24 hours? Your five-times a day prayers will end up as 100 or 200 times a day.
Why did they have to pick a praying man to send into space? Would it not have been easier if they choose someone who does not pray?
Actually those who pray in Malaysia are not that many. But they need to do this sort of thing to give an impression that everyone prays. It’s sort of the Islamic thing to do.
I just can’t believe these people. So they sorted that out then. How many times did this guy have to pray? Five times a day or 200 times a day?
We don’t know. They never told us. But I don’t think he prayed after all. But there was an even more serious problem. There was one woman in that team of astronauts and the religious people were perturbed that a man squeezed in a small capsule with a woman would be considered close proximity and therefore a crime in Islam.
Oh boy, it gets even more interesting I see. So what did they do? Insist that the woman be dropped from the team?
No, they decided to select someone who sort of does not get too excited about women, if you know what I mean.
Hahahahaha, this Malaysia is really something. And the man behind all this is going to be their next Ambassador to our country?
Unfortunately so, Boss.
Woh! I can see interesting times ahead of us. Let me know when he arrives. I just can’t wait to meet him. Astronaut who prays 100 times a day but can’t get a hard-on when rubbing against women. Hahahahaha……what a country. You want to be our next Ambassador to Malaysia?
No way, Boss. I rather suffer root canal work.
Hahahahaha.
THE Joke on JJ
39 FACTS on Israel
Israel the 100th smallest country, with less than 1/1000th of the world's population, can lay claim to the following :
01. The Middle East has been growing date palms for centuries. The average tree is about 18-20 feet tall and yields about 38 pounds of dates a year.
02. Israeli date trees are now yielding 400 pounds/year and are short enough to be harvested from the ground or a short ladder .
03. The cell phone was developed in Israel by Israelis working in the Israeli branch of Motorola, which has its largest development center in Israel .
04. Most of the Windows NT and XP operating systems were developed by Microsoft-Israel.
05. The Pentium MMX Chip technology was designed in Israel at Intel .
Both the Pentium-4 microprocessor and the Centrino processor were entirely designed, developed and produced in Israel.
06. The Pentium microprocessor in your computer was most likely made in Israel. Voice mail technology was developed in Israel.
07. Both Microsoft and Cisco built their only R&D facilities outside the US in Israel.
08. The technology for the AOL Instant Messenger ICQ was developed in 1996 by four young Israelis.
09. Israel has the fourth largest air force in the world (after the U.S, Russia and China). In addition to a large variety of other aircraft, Israel's air force has an aerial arsenal of over 250 F-16's. This is the largest fleet of F-16 aircraft outside of the U. S.
10. Israel's $100 billion economy is larger than all of its immediate neighbors combined.
11. Israel has the highest percentage in the world of home computers per capita.
12. According to industry officials, Israel designed the airline industry's most impenetrable flight security. US officials now look (finally) to Israel for advice on how to handle airborne security threats.
13. Israel has the highest ratio of university degrees to the population in the world.
14. Israel produces more scientific papers per capita than any other nation by a large margin - 109 per 10,000 people --as well as one of the highest per capita rates of patents filed.
15. In proportion to its population, Israel has the largest number of startup companies in the world. In absolute terms, Israel has the largest number of startup companies than any other country in the world, except the U.S. (3,500 companies mostly in hi-tech).
16. With more than 3,000 high-tech companies and startups, Israel has the highest concentration of hi-tech companies in the world -- apart from the Silicon Valley, U.S.
17. Israel is ranked #2 in the world for venture capital funds right behind the U.S.
18. Outside the United States and Canada, Israel has the largest number of NASDAQ listed companies.
19. Israel has the highest average living standards in the Middle East.
20. The per capita income in 2000 was over $17,500, exceeding that of the UK.
21. On a per capita basis, Israel has the largest number of biotech startups.
22. Twenty-four per cent of Israel's workforce holds university degrees, ranking third in the industrialized world, after the United States and Holland and 12 per cent hold advanced degrees.
23. Israel is the only liberal democracy in the Middle East.
24. In 1984 and 1991, Israel airlifted a total of 22,000 Ethiopian Jews (Operation Solomon) at Risk in Ethiopia, to safety in Israel.
25. When Golda Meir was elected Prime Minister of Israel in 1969, she became the world's second elected female leader in modern times.
26. When the U. S. Embassy in Nairobi, Kenya was bombed in 1998, Israeli rescue teams were on the scene within a day - and saved three victims from the rubble.
27. Israel has the third highest rate of entrepreneurship -- and the highest rate among women and among people over 55 - in the world.
28. Relative to its population, Israel is the largest immigrant-absorbing nation on earth. Immigrants come in search of democracy, religious freedom, and economic opportunity. (Hundreds of thousands from the former Soviet Union)
29. Israel was the first nation in the world to adopt the Kimberly process, an international standard that certifies diamonds as "conflict free."
30. Israel has the world's second highest per capita of new books.
31. Israel is the only country in the world that entered the 21st century with a net gain in its number of trees, made more remarkable because this was achieved in an area considered mainly desert.
32. Israel has more museums per capita than any other country.
33. Medicine... Israeli scientists developed the first fully computerized, no-radiation, diagnostic instrumentation for breast cancer.
34. An Israeli company developed a computerized system for ensuring proper administration of medications, thus removing human error from medical treatment. Every year in U. S. hospitals 7,000 patients die from treatment mistakes.
35. Israel's Given Imaging developed the first digestible video camera, so small it fits inside a pill. Used to view the small intestine from the inside, cancer and digestive disorders
36. Researchers in Israel developed a new device that directly helps the heart pump blood, an innovation with the potential to save lives among those with heart failure. The new device is synchronized with the camera helps doctors diagnose heart's mechanical operations through a sophisticated system of sensors.
37. Israel leads the world in the number of scientists and technicians in the workforce, with 145 per 10,000, as opposed to 85 in the U. S., over 70 in Japan, and less than 60 in Germany. With over 25% of its work force employed in technical professions. Israel places first in this category as well.
38. A new acne treatment developed in Israel, the Clear Light device, produces a high-intensity, ultraviolet-light-free, narrow-band blue light that causes acne bacteria to self-destruct -- all without damaging surrounding skin or tissue.
39. An Israeli company was the first to develop and install a large-scale solar-powered and fully functional electricity generating plant, in southern California's Mojave desert.
All the above while engaged in regular wars with an implacable enemy that seeks its destruction, and an economy continuously under strain by having to spend more per capita on its own protection than any other county on earth. I am wondering when will our Arab Muslim brothers wake up - that is, if they will ever wake up.
ISRAEL BOMBARDING GAZA
It's killing me with the "Ohhh I See" attitude from the majority of Muslim countries around the world when yet again Israel is doing everything it can to kill hundreds of people in Gaza - to protect Israelis people from rocket attacks.
Fact is :
01. By Tuesday 350 Palestinians had been killed compare to 4 Israelis - 100:1 casualty ratio.
02. Israel is killing Gazans to force them to change their Government rather than stopping the rocket attacks.
03. According to UN Relief and Works Agency, Hamas had launched only ONE rocket for which Israel retaliate and dropped more than 100 TONNES of bombs in Gaza so far.
04. Israel's PM Ehud Olmert is dogged with corruptions scandals and decided to attack Gaza resulting in a dramatic doubling of popularity as election looms in February 2009.
05. When Israel last invaded Lebanon in 2006, it was forced to withdraw after a strong Hezbollah resistance. Now Hezbollah is weighing its options to help Hamas.
06. Only 6% of Israelis now convinced that violent will not solve anything.
